My Grandparents Told Me That...

This is advice my mother gave my son: If someone’s bullying you at school, you wait until...

Sun, 15 Apr 2012 11:13:20 -0400

This is advice my mother gave my son: If someone’s bullying you at school, you wait until their back is turned to you, then you hit them and run away!

My grandfather used to give his grandchildren a “pleasure dollar” that they...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 14:47:43 -0400

My grandfather used to give his grandchildren a “pleasure dollar” that they weren’t allowed to spend on anything practical.

"Always, ALWAYS, keep your money separate."

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 13:34:21 -0400

“Always, ALWAYS, keep your money separate.”

- My happily married Gran, on joint bank accounts.

"Save hatred for racists and bigots, not your little sister."

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 12:23:33 -0400

“Save hatred for racists and bigots, not your little sister.”

- Grandma Althea

My grandmother would tell me one of these morsels of wisdom each day before I went to school for the...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 10:55:33 -0400

My grandmother would tell me one of these morsels of wisdom each day before I went to school for the majority of my childhood.

Buy low, sell high.
Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes.

After my grandma came over for dinner one night, we were all watching American Idol auditions. She...

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 14:49:14 -0400

After my grandma came over for dinner one night, we were all watching American Idol auditions. She turned to me halfway through and said, “Promise me you’ll never go on one of these reality shows. Those poor kids must be so embarrassed. Not to mention their parents.”

"Learn to make at least one dish really well."

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 13:29:18 -0400

“Learn to make at least one dish really well.”

- Mimi’s cooking philosophy.

My younger brother was about to graduate college, and he’d just told our parents that he wanted to...

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 11:42:22 -0400

My younger brother was about to graduate college, and he’d just told our parents that he wanted to be a writer. When the extended family came to visit for graduation, the topic of careers came up at dinner, and our Pop Pop said to my brother, “You need to be realistic about money. I hear you like writing. Go to law school, become a lawyer, and you can write briefs.”

Marriage advice from Grandma Doris

Fri, 13 Apr 2012 11:07:57 -0400

Grandma Doris: “No matter what, you should get married before the age of 30.”
Me: “Why? Are all the good men gone after that?”
Grandma Doris: “Probably not. I just want to be there. I’m 80 and I’m not optimistic.”

When my grandmother saw me looking at a guy’s Facebook profile, she gave me this little gem. “You...

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 14:47:27 -0400

When my grandmother saw me looking at a guy’s Facebook profile, she gave me this little gem. “You should stop spending time looking at boys on the computer. No woman ever found her husband on a computer.”

After Coming Out to Grandma Flo

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 13:36:42 -0400

“You shouldn’t let anyone stop you from loving who you want to love. And honestly, at my age I’m much more worried about that Chinese girl your brother is dating.” (My brother’s girlfriend at the time was Vietnamese.)

Whenever I’d go over to my Grandma Sondra’s house for brunch on Sundays, she’d give me advice on how...

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 12:23:57 -0400

Whenever I’d go over to my Grandma Sondra’s house for brunch on Sundays, she’d give me advice on how to eat my food. “Only put a little syrup on at a time so it doesn’t get too soggy.” “Try putting eggs on top of your toast.” That sort of stuff. Then she critiqued the way I cut my bagels and showed me her way, which she claimed was much safer. Mid-demonstration, she cut her fingertip with a knife.

"No one can ever pay you enough to work every day at a job that you hate"

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 11:19:50 -0400

“No one can ever pay you enough to work every day at a job that you hate”

- Grandpa Warren

Every time my mom gave me some advice, my Grandma Judy would say, “Listen to your mother. She...

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 15:44:17 -0400

Every time my mom gave me some advice, my Grandma Judy would say, “Listen to your mother. She learned everything from me.”

Your Hate Footprint

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 15:36:36 -0400

When I was small and I would say, “I hate Brussels sprouts” or “I hate Billy Phipps.” My grandfather would stop me mid-sentence and interject, “Don’t say hate. Hate is a very dangerous word. You should say, ‘I dislike Brussels sprouts. Or I dislike Billy Phipps. There’s enough hate in the world without your adding to it.”

From Tumblr whateverishly: My Grandma Pearl was fond of repeating the phrase “The more you...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 14:12:02 -0400

From Tumblr whateverishly:

My Grandma Pearl was fond of repeating the phrase “The more you own, the more it owns you.” She was a major hoarder.

Money Talks

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:44:28 -0400

My grandmother once told me that everybody is going to have problems in life – there’s no getting around that. But having money makes dealing with life’s problems a lot easier.

"Always remember that you have the option to get a nosejob if you want one."

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:52:00 -0400

“Always remember that you have the option to get a nosejob if you want one.”

When I was real little we were visiting my Granny in Ireland and she told me not to play with the...

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 15:35:00 -0400

When I was real little we were visiting my Granny in Ireland and she told me not to play with the dog because it bites. I didn’t listen and sure enough, it bit me, and I cried and cried and cried and now I don’t particularly like dogs, so it strikes me as particularly good advice because it was aimed at keeping me from experiencing a potentially traumatizing incident at a very young age and, had I heeded the warning, I could very well be a different person today!

From Tumblr user thegirlwhowasengulfedinflames: “Never eat dessert” —my...

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:52:08 -0400

From Tumblr user thegirlwhowasengulfedinflames:

“Never eat dessert” —my grandfather, ad nauseum, to anyone who will listen, including the waitress at Ruby Tuesdays trying to offer him some ice cream.